Monday musings

there was that time I came back from a holiday and found out I had been sued, then there was that time I came back from a road trip only to get a phone call from my landlord saying I hadn´t paid the rent for three months and he was going to evict me.
But this time..
This was not supposed to be a trip. When I moved to spain three months ago it was to start a new chapter in my life. A fresh start somewhere far away, where I don´t speak the language and the culture is further removed from my own than that of the island dwellers I've lived amongst these past six years. Yet those instances of failures past percolated from a subconscious treasure chest left slightly ajar early sunday morning, while listening to the screams of an eastern european mother as she marshaled her troops for an impending visit of the in-laws. Instead of a fresh start it quickly deteriorated into a scramble for papers proving I was legit. Legal enough to be here with sufficient experience in my chosen trade. Proof of good behaviour, see ? Innocent enough to get married. As the temperature climbed towards an average of 32 I exclaimed my plight day in day out handing out cv's, posting them online, emailing them to any site offering any jobs in sight.. and here I am nearly three and a half months later, giving my notice to my Valencian flatmate, ready to pack my things before I completely run out of savings. I gave up most of my possessions as I always have before embarking on a quest, now I'm left with only enough to fill a big carry-on bag. Unemployed, still waiting for the wedding to be announced, going back to the last place I called home and hoping it will be for the better.

Yet oddly I don´t feel like I'm taking two steps back. Though I'm not sure wether I will return here to live as I intended I've relearned a great deal. Sometimes what seems like losing everything is merely the peeling back of the wrapping around your honest desire. When the tasks you complete everyday turn to routines you've forgotten how to enjoy its hard to see why once you coveted them over any other. After all, the paths we choose in life are not a given and what point is there to worry about direction when you live on a globe ? Upon my return I'm willing to take any job for the enjoyment of being able to provide for myself and a loved one once more. To be part of a little tribe again instead of wandering under a blistering sun. Ofcourse, I will not forego the opportunity to return to my old stomping grounds. There's no better start than a home coming. Shame there's won't be the shock of surprise. That's all..